You Might Be a Gym-Bro If…

1. You own more Tank Tops than t-shirts.

It’s okay bro, just try and aim for that 50/50 ratio.

2. You refer to days by the body part you’re training rather than their actual name.

Just call Monday, “Monday.” We all know it’s International Chest Day too.

3. Your wardrobe is mostly made up of free giveaway shirts that you got from orders and expos.

Honestly… same. They’re free.

4. You’d rather die than miss a workout.

I support this wholeheartedly. Respect the dedication.

5. You know everyone who works at the gym’s front desk by name.

Yeah, you might spend too much time there, but look at all of the friends you made!


6. You refer to other gym-goers as “friends,” even though you only see them in the gym.

Hey, it still counts!

7. The most common words you hear in the gym is “you’re always here!”

Yeah, but so are they if they always see you. Plus, you’re bigger than them, so their opinion is irrelevant. Don’t judge.

8. You don’t deviate from your gym schedule. EVER.

“Yeah I could go earlier, but 6 p.m. is gym time! Any other time just feels wrong.

9. When you’re planning a trip, you immediately look up gyms in the area. If there are no good gyms, there’s no trip.

To be fair, the hotel gym probably doesn’t even have a bench.

10. You have nicknames for other gym-members.


“Lightweight Larry, half-rep Harry, Mr. “I used to bench 315″, orange towel guy, etc.” Okay maybe the last one is just me, but bro you can’t just cover the entire gym in towels and claim that you’re using every single machine!


11. Any clothes that are not strictly workout clothes are considered your “formal wear.”

Hey I mean if the shirt has at least 2 buttons, that’s formal enough for me.

12. You think skipping leg day should be illegal.

You used to be a mindless sheep who skipped leg day every week. However, one week you ran out of body parts to train and thought, I guess I could do legs. It sucked, and you went back to skipping legs. Then a buddy told you that hitting legs would boost your testosterone (science actually supports this [1,2]). It was here that you evolved into a true gym bro, and begin hitting legs every week. Sometimes even twice a week! No, it’s not arm day, but it’s something that must be done.

13. You avoid cardio like the plague.

Cardio makes you lose gains, and you’ve worked hard for your gains.

14. Seriously! No Cardio!

You take the elevator to go up one floor. One time, you had a nightmare about doing cardio and you’ve never been more terrified in your life.


It’s simple math. Protein=Gainz and Gainz=Happieness. Therefore, if happiness is the meaning of life (according to Aristotle), then by the transitive property of gainz, PROTEIN=HAPPINESS.


16. You spend more money on supplements than you do on rent.

Yeah, it may be a bit obsessive, but how much better would you recover if you drank just a few extra BCAAs?

17. You’ve been considering taking a week off of pre-workout for the last 4 years.

You’re not addicted though. You can stop anytime you want to.”

18. You feel insecure about your small calves anytime you wear short without long socks.

Simple solution, only wear long socks. We all know calves are genetic, and no amount of work you do will make them grow. Just give up and throw on some sweats, high socks, and high-top shoes. better safe than sorry. You can cry about your small calves at home like the rest of us.

19. You call everyone “bro,” a lot more often than you realize.

To be fair, that was only the 7th time I’ve said the word “bro” in this article. I’m improving.

20. You can’t go more than one hour without talking about the gym.

Honestly though… what else do “normal” people talk about?

21. You know you’re a Gym-Bro and you’re proud of it.

There are worse things to be than a Gym-Bro (like being small). You could be addicted to drugs, but your addiction is healthy…excluding the overwhelming pain in every joint of your body, torn rotator cuffs, pre-workout addiction, and the general sense of dissatisfaction with your body that you will now have for the rest of your life. But hey, at least you’re not small. 





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